● FILING DESK OPEN · START HERE
Your questionable decision has entered the building.
Pick the kind of trouble you’re in. Open the file. Choose the exact case. Answer three quick questions. Get a ridiculously official ruling you can screenshot, save, print, or send to the person who caused this.
1. OPEN A FILETexts? Shopping? Drama? Work?
2. PICK YOUR CASESee the price before you pay.
3. GET THE RULINGFast, funny, official-ish.
Cases start at $2.99. One-time purchase. Stripe checkout.
12:47 AM · EXHIBIT A
Cart total: $247.83
The thing you know you absolutely do not need.
Buy it anyway?
1:13 AM · THE TEXT
STOP.
“hey stranger…”
Don't send it yet.
CASE INTAKE
Some decisions need adult supervision.
Unfortunately, you're the adult.
BUREAU AFTER DARK 🌙
Bad decisions keep late hours.
Online shopping. That text. “One quick idea.”
WHAT EXACTLY AM I BUYING?3 quick questions → personalized official-ish ruling → Bureau record → screenshot / save / print →
Open the file that matches your problem.
No wall of products. Start with the situation you’re actually in.
A ruling, not another quiz score.
The payoff is a screenshot-ready Bureau record.
SAMPLE · OFFICIAL BUREAU RECORD
Should I Buy It?
WAIT
24 HOURS
24 HOURS
You do not need the thing. This has not historically prevented you from buying the thing.
BUREAU AFTER DARK 🌙
It gets worse after midnight.
12:47 AM — the cart is $247.83.
1:13 AM — the text starts “hey stranger.”
2:06 AM — “I have an idea.”
FILE IT WHILE IT'S WARM →Secure checkout
Stripe handles payment.
Stripe handles payment.
Entertainment product
Satire and novelty, not professional advice.
Satire and novelty, not professional advice.
Clear pricing
Individual cases are one-time purchases.
Individual cases are one-time purchases.